The glamorous life of a semi-famous film critic/blogger

Today I am dusting, sweeping and otherwise neatening up my home office, in the hope of (a) bringing order out of chaos, so I can better organize an ongoing research project, and (b) allowing the installer(s) easier access to my computer next week when I switch high-speed Internet service providers. I am disgustingly dirty and sweaty – and, worse, covered with dust. (I had to wash my hands before taking a break to type this.) Indeed, I’m finding huge clumps of dust here, there and everywhere. I fear that, if I did a DNA examination of some clumps, I’d find traces of dearly departed pet cats who joined the Choir Invisible years ago. I am posting this info only so that, if I suddenly am stricken with an inexplicable malady, and I fall into a coma, someone can inform Dr. House and his team where I may have contracted something.

Biggest. Opening. Ever.

According to Nikki Finke, Spider-Man 3 already has made more money than you can shake a stick at... plus the stick.

MILF madness

Brian Alexander of MSNBC rightly praises the appeal of "older" movie actresses -- i.e., hotties over 40 -- in an article with this money quote from Lois Joy Johnson, fashion and beauty director for More magazine: “There is a big secret that women are discovering after 50, which is that you can become more irresistible than ever without even trying." (Which may explain why I thumb through More with the same interest I once brought to ogling Playboy.)

Alexander also notes -- as I did several weeks ago -- that Jack Black, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly probably weren't kidding when they admitted to lusting in their hearts (and other vital organs) for sexy sixtysomething Helen Mirren during this year's Oscarcast. Hey, they're only human. Who can blame them?

On the other hand: It was a bit jarring to see Alexander refer to Halle Berry as an "older woman." I mean, geez, if she is "older," what does that make me? Antediluvian?

All Wayne, all the time

And the hits just keep on coming: Turner Classic Movies will celebrate the John Wayne Centennial by showing no fewer than 35 of his best movies May 21-26.

Meanwhile, over at Box Office Mojo, Scott Holleran reports from Newport Beach on a major Wayne retrospective and tribute. The money quote: "Seeing the Duke on the big screen—mostly at Edwards Cinemas in Newport Beach's Fashion Island—is an experience: during opening credits, the theater goes silent as a big, rousing score comes through the speakers and, when the movie begins, there's a palpable sense of shared excitement for what's coming; the audience reacts, laughs, and thoroughly enjoys the show. An unmistakable difference between today's audiences and a John Wayne audience: reverence for the motion picture. They're there to see the movie—the action, the story, the hero—not to be blown away by a giant video game."

R.I.P.: Walter M. "Wally" Schirra Jr. (1923-2007)

He wasn't just an astronaut in real life -- he also played one on television. (Better still, he also appeared as himself in some first-rate documentaries -- most notably, For All Mankind.) When it came to filming The Right Stuff, of course, he was played by Lance Henriksen. But when it came to actually possessing that rare quality indelibly labeled in Tom Wolfe's non-fiction best-seller, Wally Schirra was the real thing, one truly righteous dude.

Even the French love Le Duke

And that's why, if you're lucky enough to be attending the Cannes Film Festival later this month, you'll have a chance to see special "John Wayne Centenary" tribute screenings of Hondo -- projected in its original 3-D format! -- and Rio Bravo. That's prettty tres magnifique, pilgrims.

R.I.P.: Dabbs Greer (1917-2007)

Once again, alas, it appears that the grim reapings of celebrities always come in threes. You might not be familiar with the name Dabbs Greer, but trust me: If you've seen more than a dozen movies in your life, you would recognize his face. And if you're a genuine movie buff and/or chronic TV viewer, you doubtless recall many of the fine performances given by this reliable character actor during his astonishingly prolific career. His last film credit of note was 1999's The Green Mile, in which he movingly portrayed a many-years-later version of the lead character played as younger man by Tom Hanks. But he continued to appear in sitcoms and TV dramas until 2003, when he guested on The Disney Channel's Lizzie McGuire. Think about it: The guy worked with everyone from Humphrey Bogart -- Greer was an uncredited bit player in 1952's Deadline USA -- to Hilary Duff. Cowabunga.

R.I.P.: Gordon Scott (1927-2007)

This just in from New Orleans-based pop culture maven John Guidry, my reliable source for all things related to Lord Greystoke: Gordon Scott, arguably the best movie Tarzan this side of Johnny Weissmuller, has gone to the great jungle treehouse in the sky. In his honor, take another look at Tarzan's Greatest Adventure (with a pre-007 Sean Connery in a villainous role). And read this unexpectedly affecting story about Scott's post-Tarzan life.

R.I.P.: Tom Poston (1921-2007)

Throughout a stage, screen and TV career than spanned six decades, Tom Poston delighted millions with his self-effacing buffoonery. In the early ‘60s, producer-director William Castle – of all people! – attempted to elevate the affable comic actor to the rarefied realm of movie stardom by casting him as the lead in two black-and-white B-movies I fondly remember from the Saturday matinees of my misspent youth: Zotz! (1962), an amusing fantasy about a professor who obtains a magical coin capable of allowing its owner the ability to freeze time -- I think I still have a plastic replica of that coin, a trinket handed out to ticketbuyers at the Pitt Theatre in New Orleans one long-ago afternoon -- and The Old Dark House (1963), a tongue-in-cheeky remake of the 1932 James Whale comedy-thriller that would later kinda-sorta inspire The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Both films fizzled at the box-office, however. So, gee whiz, Poston had to content himself with being a splendidly adept, steadily employed and widely beloved supporting player in a variety of venues for the rest of his days. He made his mark, and he will be missed.

The ongoing battle for survival of the Brattle

The Brattle Theatre -- "the birthplace of foreign film appreciation in North America, a continent that prior to World War II knew Europe and Asian largely through skewed Hollywood lenses" -- continues to muddle through as a single-screen showcase in an era when even megaplexes are becoming endangered species. But the question remains: How long can this historic Harvard Square theater -- the hallowed site where Humphrey Bogart was elevated beyond mere superstardom, to the pantheon of pop culture icons -- remain open?

The Brattle has "expanded its foundation board," writes Peter Howell, "and it has an advisory board that includes filmmakers David Lynch, Albert Maysles and Miguel Arteta, plus cinematographer Gordon Willis (The Godfather)." But even so, "[e]very bit as important as the money is the belief that art houses like the Brattle are still needed in a wired and cocooned world. And if a cinema as storied as the Brattle has this much trouble staying afloat in an elite college town like Cambridge, next door to Boston, then what hope is there for lesser-known art houses in other towns?"

By the way: I can testify that it's a great place to see classic movies. Former Newsweek correspondent Joanne Harrison brought me there a few years ago while I was visiting Boston, so we could see the fully restored version of Samuel Fuller's The Big Red One. (Before the screening, Harrison regaled me with her memories of repeatedly attending Casablanca revivals at the Brattle -- along with hundreds of other area college students -- during her Boston childhood.) I seriously doubt that Fuller's sprawling masterwork would have had quite the same impact on me if I'd viewed it for the first time on DVD.

The 'Raines' came... and left

I strongly suspect that my favorite new TV series of the season -- actually, my favorite series to premiere since House -- aired its last original episode Friday night. So while you still can, take a look at Raines. Pay particularly close attention to the pilot, which deftly establishes the premise -- and pulls off an ingenious twist during the final minutes. (It was directed, by the way, by Frank Darabont.) Then check out the ineffably melancholy "Reconstructing Alice" with the great Laurie Metcalf (who, in a perfect world, would be a slam dunk for an Emmy nomination). As Michael Raines, the L.A. cop who imagines he can converse with murder victims (who, in actuality, are projections of his brilliant -- albeit unstable -- ratiocinative mind), Jeff Goldblum hits the perfect balance of hard-boiled and soft-hearted, sharply witty and wistfully sad. At his frequent best, he makes me think of David Janssen's Harry O -- if only Harry could have seen dead men (and women) talking.

Spinal Tap Reunites for Live Earth To Fight Global Warming

Al Gore, eat your heart out!

A three-peat for 'Disturbia'

From Nikki Finke: It's another downbeat weekend at the box-office.

Comfort shopping: Threat or menace?

So this is what Goldie Hawn has been up to lately.

R.I.P.: Jack J. Valenti (1921-2007)

Because of his involvement with the establishment of the Motion Picture Association of America's ratings system -- to say nothing of his decades-long stint as MPAA president -- Jack J. Valenti had, for better or worse, as profound an impact on American cinema as almost anyone this side of Orson Welles.

And while I know it remains fashionable to dis Valenti (and the MPAA itself) for allegedly stifling free speech and repressing freedom of expression and blah, blah, blah, I nonetheless find myself begrudgingly grateful for his efforts during the 1960s, when he found himself (in the words of AP correspondent David Germain) "caught between Hollywood's outdated system of self-censorship and the liberal cultural explosion taking place in America," and yet somehow "abolished the industry's restrictive Hays code, which prohibited explicit violence and frank treatment of sex, and in 1968 oversaw creation of today's letter-based ratings system."

Trust me: Without the MPAA ratings system, we likely would have seen dozens (if not hundreds) of local censorship boards popping up throughout the United States from 1966 onward. (Indeed, at least one local ratings board -- empowered to supersede the MPAA system -- existed in Dallas well into the 1980s.) And I suspect that, given today's political climate, many of those boards still would exist -- and still be censoring.

Roger Ebert lives!

Yes, he looks like hell. So what? He doesn't give a damn, and neither should we. Roger Ebert is still at large, and I, for one, am immensely grateful. Just keep getting better, man, and I'll keep lighting the candles.

The calm before the summer storm?

Weekend b.o. figures appear to be soft, according to David Germain. He quotes Paul Dergarabedian, president of box-office tracker Media By Numbers, as theorizing: "People are just holding their breath waiting for summer to start, and while they're holding their breath, they didn't go to the movies in big numbers." (Rough translation: They're holding onto their bucks until Spider-Man 3 arrives.) Still No. 1: Disturbia.

Jeffrey Wells: Impudent upstart

Jeffrey Wells, the aging Hipster King who hosts Hollywood Elsewhere, dares to take issue with my rave review of Knocked Up. (I've been told, by the way, that said review already has been blurbed on lobby displays in megaplexes throughout this great land of ours. Uh-oh. Looks like I'm rejoining the ranks of quote whores.) You can humor Wells by reading his comments here.

Opening today: WorldFest/Houston

Charles Durning will be provding a little star power for the 2007 edition of the WorldFest/Houston Film Festival, which kicks off tonight for a 10-day run in Space City. The closing night film next weekend -- specifically, 7:15 p.m. April 29 -- will be The Dukes, a hugely enjoyable dramedy starring and directed by Robert Davi. I'll be hosting a Q&A with Davi immediately after the WorldFest premiere. So be there, or be square.

Blame it on the movies?

Was Cho Seung-Hui a fan of Oldboy?