This could be uproariously raunchy fun -- and, not incidentally, a great opportunity for Charlize Theron to showcase her heretofore underutilized flair for comedy. A Blazing Saddles for a new generation, perhaps? On the other hand: Hasn't Quick Draw already blazed that particular trail?
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Happy Anniversary Or: Cancer Can Still Kiss My Irradiated Ass
Four years ago today, I completed radiation therapy for prostate cancer. Last week, I got the results from my latest Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) Test: A measly 0.8. Like the T-shirt says: I fought cancer. Cancer lost. (Please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know who's battling The Big C. And tell them they can win, too.)
Sunday, January 26, 2014
You're never too old to be a movie star
From The Daily Dot: "When it comes to drawing up their year-end calendar, Elisabeth Hospital in Essen, Germany, does not play around. Rather than stick to generic images of senior citizens posing with puppies or kitties, or even going down the Calendar Girls route, the folks at Elisabeth decided to recreate scenes from classic movies, casting their residents in starring roles."
You can see the other 11 scenes here. My favorite of the lot? This dashing fellow -- who may be 28 years older than me, but still looks like he can kick my ass.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Justin: This little mug is still a Belieber
OK, sure, things haven't been going all that well lately for Justin Bieber. First, the newest documentary about the teen pop star bombed at the box-office. And now he's been busted for DUI and drag-racing in Miami, greatly upsetting many fans. Still, you have to give the guy this much: He sure takes a nice mug shot. Unlike... well, some other people.
The director of an anti-Obama documentary indicted on campaign fraud charges? Wow, didn't see that coming!
From The Raw Story: "Conservative filmmaker and author Dinesh D’Souza was indicted in federal court on Thursday for allegedly arranging for $20,000 worth of campaign contributions — far above legal limits, Reuters reported.
"The indictment did not name the candidate benefiting from the donations, but the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) accused D’Souza of reimbursing others in August 2012 for making the donations in his name, enabling for them to be falsely reported to the Federal Elections Commission (FEC). Taken together, the charges carry possible penalties of up to seven years in prison...
"D’Souza, a former president at King’s College, was fired from the Christian-affiliated university in October 2012 after being spotted traveling with a woman who was not his wife.
"He was also behind the documentary 2016: Obama’s America, which drew surprisingly well at the box office thanks to support from conservatives. While promoting the film, D’Souza accused President Barack Obama of harboring 'Charles Bronson rage, vigilante rage.'”
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Life Itself -- Roger Ebert in the role of a lifetime
Friday, January 17, 2014
Funny stuff: Honesty in movie advertising
Some of these are very funny. And I must: More than one is laugh-out-loud, snort-Coke-Zero-out-your-nose hilarious. (Hat tip to The Shiznit.)
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Oscar nominations are announced, and the race is on
Here is my early take on the Academy Award nominations, which were announced this morning in Hollywood.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Hey, Michael Douglas! You've just won a Golden Globe! What are you gonna do now?
Hey! He's gonna play the original Ant-Dude in Edgar Wright's Ant-Man!
The morning after: Golden Globes wrap
Pour yourself a cold one and read all about it here.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
If I were voting for Golden Globes...
BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL Nebraska
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL -- Amy Adams, American Hustle
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL -- Bruce Dern, Nebraska
BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA -- Gravity
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA -- Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA -- Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE -- Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE -- Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE -- Alexander Payne, Nebraska
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE -- Bob Nelson, Nebraska
OTHER CATEGORIES -- On advice of my counsel, I invoke the privilege afforded by the fifth amendment to the U.S. Constitution, and I respectfully decline to answer any questions.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Buy this Jaguar, or Ben Kinglsey will rip your heart out
Is it just me, or is Sir Ben Kingsley giving off a distinct Sexy Beast vibe in this Jaguar commercial? (Not that there's anything wrong with that, you understand.)
Friday, January 10, 2014
Here's looking at you, Chris Christie!
Couldn't help thinking how much the embattled New Jersey governor sounded like Claude Rains during his marathon press conference the other day. The more I hear about Chris Christie's Bridgegate problems, however, I wonder whether he's actually taking his talking points from someone else.
Saturday, January 04, 2014
Isn't it time we forgive Geogre Clooney for Batman & Robin?
Ever since I uploaded this 1997 interview onto YouTube more than six years ago, I've noticed a steady stream of nasty, nastier and obscenity-stuffed comments by people who absolutely hated Batman & Robin. And, look, I'm not a major fan of that flick, either. But c'mon people: Can't we let bygones be bygones? It's not like Geogre Clooney hasn't made it up to us. This year alone, he lent strong to Sandra Bullock in Gravity, one of my favorite 2013 films.
And later this year, he'll be front and center in a movie I'm extremely eager to see, after seeing another movie that touches on the same subject.
Also: As I have noted before: If you go to the 2:19 mark on the above YouTube clip, you'll hear Clooney say some nice things about Michael Gough, the late, great Brit actor who played Batman's butler Alfred in four Batmovies. For that reason alone, I'm more than willing to cut Clooney some slack.
Friday, January 03, 2014
Jeff Wells: The sequel Or: The days of whine and poses
Obviously, I have hurt Jeff Wells to the quick by quoting some of his whack-job emails. So he's done what any bully does when someone stands up to him: He's threatened to tell my mommy on me. Unfortunately, since my mother is five decades dead, he has done what I assume he views as the next best thing: He has started complaining to my past and current editors in a huffy email.
But wait, there's more: When I thanked him for this new mother lode of comedy gold, he re-emailed the same people, claiming I was somehow violating a sacred trust by revealing a "personal correspondence." So personal, in fact, that he sent me a copy. The money quote:
It's flat-out slanderous of Joe to publish this. It's foul and icky and depraved of him to expose this information. It will harm my rep as I've never crossed the line by publishing this kind of personal material. I've begged him to please take it down and let bygones be bygones and he hasn't responded. Does Joe still review regional stuff for Variety? I need to appeal to his editor to appeal to him on this matter. Do you know who I can write? Who I can call? He's really gone off the deep end here.
I'm naturally calling Variety on my own and asking [name redacted] if she knows anyone, etc. Please help me on this. This is awful. Do you know Joe? Can you cal him and try to get him to chill out? I've written him seven or eight times over the past hour and he hasn't responded.
Jeff, if you're reading: This post is my response.
Jeff Wells: Threat or menace? Or: Is half a stiffie better than none?
Cialis, asshole. And it feels great to be walking around with half a stiffie, let me tell you. I swear to God, I'd love to take a poke at you. Stay out of my fucking sight at the next film festival we both attend. Look at me cross-eyed just once and I'm going to come over and get within 18 inches and spit right in your face. If you want to take it to the next level after I do that, fine. That'll be your call. But I will give you a slight saliva shower if you so much as look in my direction.
All fine and good, but I have to ask: If he's only getting "half a stiffie" with Cialis, is he really getting his money's worth?
Also: Can one hang an emotionally vivid cowboy hat on half a stiffie?
Finally: When he says he would "love to take a poke" at me, you don't think he meant... well, I mean, I can't picture Jeff as being much of a Lonesome Dove fan, but you never know.
Thursday, January 02, 2014
My Top 10 of 2013
(To be sure, at least one hasn’t yet opened in a Houston theater – but it will, soon.)
These are, of course, purely arbitrary and totally subjective choices. And I’ll freely admit that, a decade or so hence, I might look back on the following lineup and want to make additions or deletions. At this point in time, however, I can honestly state these are the 2013 releases that impressed me most. And best. So there.