They wanted to boldly go where they went before, but...

William Shatner may be miffed that there wasn't a role for him in the new Star Trek movie -- but, honest, it wasn't like the writers didn't try to come up with a way to include Captain Kirk. Really: Check this out.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the comedy stylings of Barack Obama...

President Obama rocked the house at the annual White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. I laughed until I was spraying Coke Zero all over my computer monitor. Love his suggestion of a title for Dick Cheney's upcoming autobiography: How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People. And it's great to see he can mock himself as well: "No president in history has ever named three commerce secretaries this quickly." Could this be the warm-up for a post-Presidential career involving stand-up gigs in La Vegas? Stay tuned.

Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you. Cry, and you get fat.

From RealAge.com comes a weight watching tip for movie buffs: "Having trouble choosing between Blazing Saddles and Love Story on movie night? If you're trying to lose weight, go for the funny cowboy flick instead of the tearjerker. Why? Because you'll probably snack less. When a group of people in a study watched a sad movie, they ate close to 30 percent more buttered popcorn than when they watched a happy film."

Home sweet home

From Roger Ebert: My home town of Urbana recently did me the honor of dedicating a plaque on the sidewalk in front of my childhood home. At first I felt a little doubtful. Aware of my health adventures, a good friend asked: "What do you make of the timing of this?"I thought it over. "Excellent timing," I said. "I'm still alive."

It was a wonderful day. Friends, neighbors, the mayor, aldermen. The sun shone bright on my old Urbana home. Mrs. Sallie Ormiston, whose family lived across the street, was there. She was amazed that I remembered she taught me how to tell time. How could I forget? I am reminded several times a day. After "6," it stops being after the last number, and starts being before the next.

The day felt so good, indeed, that I think more towns should be encouraged to commemorate the childhood homes of their film critics. To hasten that day, I am commencing a project to immortalize the photos linked to above, which I requested from many critics who are friends of mine.

All American, Canadian and Mexican film critics are urged to join. You need not be currently employed. So many of us are not. You are a film critic in your heart, not in your job description. Send photos of your birthplace to me at: rjebert@yahoo.com.

(From Joe Leydon: Yes, you guessed it: My childhood home figures into the mix.)

Blast from the past: Jodie Foster talks about Home for the Holidays

"People are messy -- they're complicated." So says Jodie Foster, who amusingly expanded upon that insight in Home for the Holidays, the smart and insightful dramedy she directed, and we discussed, back in 1995. Unfortunately, she hasn't directed another movie since. Which is more than a little surprising, really, considering how much she obviously enjoyed directing this one.

Blast from the past: Hugh Grant talks about Notting Hill

The downside of fame? Well, if you’re Hugh Grant, you might find that, at some point after the 1994 Sundance Film Festival premiere of Four Weddings and a Funeral, the movie that launched your international stardom, someone digitally doctored a photo of you so that your face appeared atop the body of a studly and shirtless male model on the cover of a German movie magazine. At least, that’s what I found, while visiting a newsstand during a break at the 1995 Berlin Film Festival. So, of course, I had to buy two copies of the publication, and give one to Grant several weeks later during the L.A. junket for Nine Months (an event that, for very different reasons, proved quite memorable for him). To his credit, he laughed off the outrage, and even agreed to autograph my own copy precisely the way I suggested: “To Joe – Sod off, you wanker! You’ll never have a stomach this flat! Hugh Grant!” Four years later, at the May 1999 London junket for Notting Hill, we were still joking about his Photoshop experience. The upside of fame? Well, Grant admits, it’s nice not to be broke…

The horror. The horror.

Maybe it's just the B-movie horror buff in me, or the old Castle of Frankenstein influence at work, but I just can't help lovin' the fact that the President and the Vice-President of the United States chose to have lunch in a joint with posters for Chamber of Horrors and Mantis in Lace on the wall. Cowabunga.

The Lone Ranger rides again

After reviving the swashbuckler with his fabulously successful Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, producer Jerry Bruckheimer aims to reintroduce a classic Western franchise, The Lone Ranger, with Johnny Depp -- whose maternal grandfather, not incidentally, was Cherokee -- as Tonto, and, reportedly, George Clooney as the guy with the black mask and the silver bullets. Man, I am so there on opening day. My only question is, will they have someone as cool as Jason Robards to ask: "Who is that masked man?"

Blast from the past: Michael Caine talks about Little Voice

Let me just come right out and say it: Michael Caine is, hands down, my favorite film actor. And I am such an unabashed, unashamed fan -- hell, I actually paid first-run admission prices to see The Swarm and Beyond the Poseidon Adventure -- I'm afraid whenever I interview him that I'm going to come across as some kind of moronically gushy goofus. Fortunately, as you can see in this 1998 interview, Caine is such a gracious and easygoing fellow that he always puts me at ease -- and, better still, gives me great quotes. The tape begins midway through our brief discussion of Get Carter -- which, despite its current status as a classic, was dumped into U.S. release by MGM in 1971 -- and continues as we discuss his fearless performance as a spectacularly sleazy talent agent in Little Voice.

R.I.P.: Dom DeLuise (1933-2009)

There are times in life when I think the only rational response to whatever fresh hell confronts me is to repeat Dom DeLuise's plaintive complaint in Mel Brooks' The Twelve Chairs -- "Oh, God! You're so strict!" DeLuise's trademark style of roly-poly rambunctiousness may have been too over the top for some tastes, but I defy anyone not to smile at his antics in Twelve Chairs and several other Brooks comedies, and in Hot Stuff, DeLuise's one and only effort as a feature film director, the sort of amiably amusing trifle that rarely appears at megaplexs these days. On the occasion of his passing, I hereby celebrate his life by offering this classic short in which man matches wits with machine, and loses. Trust me: I know the feeling.

Roger Ebert: A real man

From The Huffington Post: Rod Lurie waxes eloquent about Roger Ebert. The money quote: "Not long ago I was talking to my teenage kids about what it was that constituted a 'real man.' I'll tell you this -- you can look at all the masculine toughies you want -- the Ben Roethlisbergers, the Russell Crowes, the David Petraeuses -- but if you want to look at what a man should be -- persevering, honest, a person who manifests his intellect into action -- you need look no further than Roger Ebert." Amen.

Blast from the past: Mike Myers talks about Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

I didn't think much of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, but that isn't why I was so surprised when the silly 1997 comedy was a minor hit in theaters and, later, a monster smash on home video. To put it simply: I didn't think many under-30 viewers would "get" the movie's satirical references to '60s spy spoofs. Boy, did I call that one wrong. But, then again, as I learned during the junket for the 1999 sequel, Mike Myers was even more surprised than I was.

(BTW: Just before the interview began in earnest, we chatted briefly about my then-recent trip to Northern Ireland -- where I'd made the singularly stupid mistake of leaving a bag behind in a restaurant. Not the sort of mistake you ever wanted to make back in those days. Not unless you wanted to set off a false alarm for the bomb squad.)

Blast from the past: Will Smith talks about Men in Black

Here's Will Smith during the first incandescent burst of his superstardom -- fresh from the smash success of Independence Day, and revved up for the impending release of Men in Black. And there I am, with my starstruck son hovering just off-camera and hoping I'll remember to get the autograph for him. Which, of course, I do. Let me tell you: I earned some major Daddy Points for this one.

Blast from the past: Tommy Lee Jones talks about Men in Black

I have to admit: It's a little spooky to watch this and realize that, 12 years ago, Tommy Lee Jones and I already were talking about the decline of newspapers. On a happier note: He certainly enjoyed working with Will Smith, didn't he? And yes, at the very end, I am shamelessly cadging an autograph for my son.

Blast from the past: Dustin Hoffman talks about Wag the Dog

With all due respect to Dustin Hoffman: I think he takes unseemly delight in using the phrase "bent penis" during an interview that was intended for boadcast TV in 1997. But what the hell: He's talkin' 'bout Wag the Dog, and he's funny. On the other hand: No, I do not believe he wasn't channeling Robert Evans in his performance.

Rockets win! Rockets win! Rockets win!

And, of course, we owe it all to Yao Ming.

Blast from the past: Sydney Pollack talks about Sabrina (1995)

As I noted in my original review, Sydney Pollack demonstrated in his 1995 remake of Billy Wilder's Sabrina that "after three decades in the director's chair, he remains Hollywood's most accomplished master of the grand romantic gesture. Just as important, he proves that he can make the very kind of movie that everyone says that nobody is making anymore. Sabrina is Hollywood classicism at its most luxuriantly enjoyable..." Granted: This was, and is, a minority opinion. But as I look at the above video of my 1995 interview with the late filmmaker, I'm reminded again that no other director has ever managed to make Harrison Ford appear so emotionally vulnerable on screen. And it sort of makes you wonder what other kinds of roles Ford might have attempted during the past decade or so had Pollack's Sabrina not been a box-office under-achiever. BTW: While you watch, please remember that this conversation was recorded at a time when Billy Wilder still was very much alive. And, yes, fully capable of teasing Pollack about possible remakes of Pollack's own movies.

Blast from the past: Eddie Murphy talks about Vampire in Brooklyn

I don't know if he was trying to stay true to his character, or just had a very full schedule that day, but Eddie Murphy didn't start doing his TV interviews during the 1995 junket for Wes Craven's Vampire in Brooklyn (one of the guiltiest among my guilty pleasures) until way after sunset. But I can't say that I minded -- from the mic check on, we had some fun.

Newspaper circulation continues decline

Given my occasional contributions to The Houston Chronicle, I naturally have a vested interest in that newspaper's continued existence. But, geez, as a professional journalist -- and, dammit, as an inveterate newspaper reader --I am flat-out scared by the new circulation numbers recorded across the board by papers everywhere in the U.S.

Flu fears affect film

From Reuters: Fox has announced plans to delay the opening of Wolverine in Mexico for at least a couple of weeks. Something tells me this won't be the last instance of swine flu fears fueling changes in movie release patterns. After all, many movie theaters in this country were closed for long periods during the 1918 influenza pandemic.