10. Too many potential ticket buyers glued to their TV sets for MSNBC updates on Paris Hilton.
9. Half the people who saw the first Hostel thought it blew chunks, and were damned if they’d pay good money to see a sequel.
8. Bloodthirsty geeks who groove on simulated violence are still traumatized by simulated childbirth in Knocked Up.
7. Two words: Surf’s Up.
6. “Wait a minute! You mean that skank from Welcome to the Dollhouse is the one who’s naked? No way, dude.” (View expressed is not necessarily that of this blog’s host.)
5. Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Michael “Mad Dog” Medved didn’t receive word in time that they were supposed to trash it on the air.
4. Under-age horror fans actually bought tickets to Ocean’s 13, then sneaked into auditoriums where Hostel 2 was playing.
3. David Poland and Jeffrey Wells whacked it. What possible chance could it have after that?
2. Pirate-copied DVDs were available weeks ago at truck stops, convenience stores, porn video shops and other places known to be frequented by hard-core gore fans.
AND THE NO. 1 REASON WHY HOSTEL 2 “UNDER-PERFORMED” ON OPENING WEEKEND:
1. Too many guys figured they’d never get laid if they brought a date to it.
Hilarious! You should be a writer or something. ;-)
Nah, there's no money in that.
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